DREADFUL WRITING. AND NOT CHEAP, NEITHER.
TRUST ME ON THIS - dreadful writing is exactly what you need. After all you don't want customers quietly murmuring: "What great writing.". You want them yelling: WHAT A GREAT PRODUCT."
So perhaps, more than anyone else who might apply, I can help
After all, I was an award winning copywriter and Creative Director for decades in legendary ad agencies like Goodis Goldberg, JWT, BBDO, Ted Bates, McCann and Saatchi & Saatchi. So I've done campaigns, ads, brochures TV spots, videos, direct response, websites and billboards for just about every kind of product that has ever flown, driven, run, walked or crawled on its belly like a reptile through the marketplace.
I wrote a weekly column for Ming Pao - Hong Kong's leading weekly magazine, for two years (In bloody Chinese, too).
I wrote a tourist book - Little Known Tales of the Kong - which was on the best seller iist for over 6 months and reached the heady heights of #3.
I wrote a comedy movie script which was actually produced as Dragon Force and is said to be, perhaps, the worst movie ever made . Even worse than Plan 9 from Outer Space. - which takes some doing to beat.
I also wrote a weekly OP-ED (mostly OP) newspaper column for Sun Media in Canada for 7 years. (The Columns That Got Me Fired - Amazon - $1.99)
And I created the Sacred Gospels of Denthos, a regular blog about a bitter, snarky, middle management alien who created all life on Earth (which inadvertently spawned a mini religion cult that was considering blood sacrifice). (Dish. From the Saucer. Amazon. 99 cents)
So forget all those other losers sending you their oh-so serious proposals and just give this job to me. Because I'm a cold stone greedy bastard. And because I can copywrite amazingly compelling bullshit for you. (To use the technical term)
Work Terms
I man the helm here at Galactic Headquarters from about 6 am til noon, 7 days a week. (Pacific Time) . I only do fixed price jobs. And I offer unlimited tinkering, tweaking and twerking.
And, when I'm done with the writing, you'll want to kiss me right on the lips. But don't try it. I'll bite your Goddamned tongue off.